THERE'S NO SUBTITUTION...FOR A MOTHER'S RESOLUTION

It was a few years ago when Jenny was filling out a health questionnaire. I don't recall if it was for her work or her doctor. (Almost certainly it wasn't a clickbait survey--she never fell for those.) After completing it, she announced to me with all seriousness, "I needed to grade my husband on a scale of zero to six. I gave you a five." Yes, she was clearly telling me I was a less than perfect husband. But, what's more is that she, as much as anyone else in the world, knew that a five out of six, or about 83%, equated to a "B-". It was a grade I knew full well she would never, ever, tolerate of herself. Especially when it came to being a mom.

December 2015: Jenny with Dylan at a computer dojo she found by inquiring with Microsoft. Jenny didn't find such opportunities because she wanted the boys to go into STEM, but because she wanted to give them exposure to find their passion.

Which brings me to the topic of today's post. Jenny gave it her all in everything she did. Yet, she was somehow on an even higher level when it came to being a mom to Dylan and Tyler. Day in and day out, time and time again, she gave a gold star, blue collar, 11 out of 10 effort when it came to being a mom. I mean this in all aspects. School, sports, cooking, music, movies, boardgames, desserts...She wasn't expecting perfection of herself. Only the best that she could be.

Jenny, always looking for a great learning opportunity, brought Dylan and Tyler to a private cooking lesson in Japan in 2017.

One can never fully describe the effort and love of any mom. One may as well try to collect all the water in the ocean. But, I'll say one thing for now: Having access to Jenny's emails, I often need to look through her Inbox to find necessary information--usually for administrative tasks. Every time I search through, I'm amazed by the messages she wrote--often during work hours--on behalf of her kids. Well thought out, short works of literary art inquiring with the rest of the world, one entity at a time, asking how Dylan or Tyler can be active and contribute. Churches, schools, kitchens, corporations, camps looking for counselors, hobby groups, service organizations, sports organizations, rec leagues, labs, animal shelters...Just about every day. Ever since they were in elementary school, she constantly looked for opportunities to keep her boys enriched and busy. If she took the initiative to reach out and got a "no", it seemed to only encourage her to keep trying until she got a "yes". And, the kicker is, she never told me anything about the effort she was putting in. It was only from prying into her Inbox that I found out. Recognition of such work never mattered to her. Especially from me. All that mattered was that she was doing something to make Dylan and Tyler better citizens than they were the day before.

A friend once told me that we're defined not by our words, but by our actions. If that is true, the kids were and continue to be defined to such a large extent by their mom. Their dedication to friends and family. Their service to others. Their commitment to contribute to society. (By the way, if those qualities aren't clear by now in this blog, then I have failed miserably.) Yes, Jenny was a hard grader. She gave me a B-. But, I know that in her hearts of hearts she gave those boys an A+. She never had to say it. And she single-handedly made them so. Given where they are at this point in their lives, today Jenny would have every right to be proud of her work.

The boys with Jenny at Lake Tahoe in January 2019. Jenny planned every family vacation the kids ever enjoyed. I picked this photo because of the timing. This was the last vacation we took while my own mom was alive. We seemed to be free of worry.

It's with that in mind that on this very difficult day, Mother's Day, I'm making it a point to see both of my kids--our kids--this year. They are Jenny's masterpieces and seeing them is the best way to remember her. So, I'm driving down to Santa Barbara to spend the afternoon with Dylan. Then, after dinner, I will hightail it home to see Tyler. Even if it just means just poking my head into his room after he falls asleep. For me, it's much easier to be on the road for nine hours and see both kids than it is to struggle through Mother's Day staying at home. I absolutely love who they are, after all. I love nothing more, in fact. And, who they are is completely thanks to Jenny.